My Story

Everyone has a story. Mine isn't particularly exciting. I didn't get into drugs and hit rock bottom--spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically--to be scooped up in Jesus' arms and carried into the realm of salvation. I don't have a Josh Hamilton story (but here's his. Really, read it). I don't even have one of those college experience stories. I didn't meet Jesus for the first time through a Gideon or college ministry group. The way my life looks to the outside world didn't change. What many people fail to realize, though, is that I needed saving just as much as anyone else.

If you asked most non-Christians what was wrong with me, they probably wouldn't be able to find much (physical appearance and intelligence aside). They might consider me a "good" person. But what does that mean? Because they can't see my sins, they believe them to be nonexistent, and that is far from the truth.

I grew up in a Christian household, attending an Episcopal church every Sunday. Even from a young age, I generally thought myself to be righteous. I was fooled into believing society's definition of good rather than the Bible's. I was a "good" kid. I listened to my parents and teachers, and wasn't a jerk to people. As I got older, I stayed away from alcohol, drugs, and sex. And if you listen to the world, that's plenty enough.

But it isn't. For me, discovering this was a slow process. It's hard to admit that you're not good enough, isn't it? It's difficult to tell yourself you're not worthy. But anything else we tell ourselves is a lie. "For the wages of sin is death." ~Romans 6:23. However, the verse continues. "But the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Jesus was our perfect sacrifice. In His perfection, He was worthy to take on our sin. Although this is something that is beaten into our heads from an early age, it takes a little more effort to truly understand it.

So of course I stood and sang hymns every week, praying when the service commanded. And I thought I got it. But I didn't. God demands more from us. In my later high school years, I began to creep closer. My priest, Martha Kester, took me under her wing, and we dove into Joshua. But then I moved on to college, a true test for many Christians.

I never was really tempted to join the college partying scene. Even without my beliefs, it's not something I would find attractive. But moving away from home for the first time makes it difficult to hold onto your faith. Fortunately for me, InterVarsity, a Christian fellowship group, had a chapter at Coe. Naturally, I got involved. At first, it was more of the same. I'd go through the motions, always attending large group and Bible study, but never really getting more than a smug satisfaction that I had done what was required of me. But eventually, I would accept the challenge God had been waving in front of my face for years to enter a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him. For the first time, I began to have a consistent time to read the Bible, pray, and just be with God. And it's amazing how much more spiritually full I feel. There's a distinction to be made between knowing and believing. For years, I had known that Jesus Christ died for my sins. But every day, I understand it a little better and have come to truly believe. Like any relationship, yours with God must be nurtured. It requires effort. It requires time. But I promise that the returns are so much more than the costs (there's my economics background popping up. Don't worry, I'll suffocate it). Isn't an eternity with our Holy Father worth so much more than our finite time or other resources on this Earth?

God continues to reveal Himself to me, a little each day. He's blessed me with a wonderful family, amazing friends, and a beautiful, incredible, altogether lovable fiance. But so much greater than any of these is His greatest blessing of all: His Son. When I think about what He has done for me--no, not just think, but dwell, meditate, reflect, ponder, wonder--I am often brought to tears. Tears of joy with the knowledge that Jesus has defeated my sin and my death. Now my task is to continually seek Him and to remain in Him.

Do I still screw up? ALL THE TIME. God isn't asking us for perfection. He gave us the perfect offering. All we have to do is accept it. I can't make myself good, clean, or holy. But there is One who has been given to us who makes us presentable to our Father. And He loves me (and you, too) beyond all measure.